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Let No Shadows Lie Upon Me

by Arionrhod

There were weeds around the headstone, faded brown in the summer heat, a testament to the fact that although memories live on, reminders aren't always appreciated.

Kneeling in the short-cut grass, Remus gently pulled the parched plants away from the marble marker, leaving faint lines of green marring the white surface like slender snakes. Sirius would not have appreciated the analogy, of course, having forsworn the Slytherin roots of his family, but it seemed that in death, just as in life, he was doomed to be plagued by reminders of his heritage.

It was so easy to reach out, to trace the lines that spelt out a name that had once been as dear to him as his own. An S, reminding him of a glittering smile, grey eyes crinkled at the edges. I, for the innocence those eyes had once held, before betrayal and anger and frustration and guilt had stolen it all away. R... well, he had a been a rogue, hadn't he? A beautiful, shining rascal, mischief in his soul. Another I, for the impulsiveness which had ended his life too soon. Then the final "US", which Remus chuckled about, a soft, sad sound.

"There never was an 'us', was there, Padfoot? Although people often thought there was. You were my best friend, though, and that was better for us, really. I used to wonder what it had been like if the rumors I have heard in the last ten years had been true - and it wouldn't have been good, really. I miss you very much now, but if we had been that close, it would have killed me. Trust me on this, I know."

Sliding down to sit on the ground, Remus sighed, letting the warmth of the sun and the soil relax the tension of muscles and bones only 2 days past full moon. A light breeze ruffled his hair, now more silver than sandy, just as there were more lines at the corners of his eyes, showing the passage of years. Long years, but not unhappy ones.

"Ten years," Remus told his silent audience. "Ten years since Harry defeated Voldemort. Twelve since you left us. And what... seven or eight since the last time I came here? But I've thought about you often. I've just been so busy with living that I haven't had time to really remember."

Amber eyes glanced into the distance, where a group of people stood gathered around a much larger monument, listening to the words of remembrance. His gaze rested briefly on each of them in turn, and he continued to speak softly to a friend long gone.

"Harry did it, as you know. Defeated Voldemort, and life... well, after the rebuilding, it went back to normal. Harry married Hermione, after he settled down and finally accepted the fact that he was going to live past the age where James died. There wasn't much doubt about those two, not really. Not after Ron died, at least. He wanted them together, told them to take care of each other even as his body was failing him from his wounds."

A moment of silence passed, and Remus sighed. "Neville married Luna last year - you remember Luna, don't you? Odd girl, grew up to be an odd young woman, but Frank and Alice's son needed someone to teach him to be less serious. Bill Weasley married Fleur, that lovely Veela, and gave Molly and Arthur their first, strawberry-blond grandchildren. The twins - Fred and George - married the Patil Twins about five years ago, and Ginny Weasley married Seamus Finnegan. So see, life is going on, like it always does. Like it did after Lily and James died, and you were sent to Azkaban. It surprises me, sometimes, how it is that when you think the world will end, it never does."

Remus looked at the headstone once more. An empty marker, really, since Sirius Black didn't actually rest beneath it. But as a symbol it meant something, just as the ceremony going on not too far away meant something, and the private little ceremony of Remus' own meant something. Everything had meaning, even if you weren't quite certain of its purpose at the time.

A warm hand suddenly rested on Remus' shoulder. He didn't have to look up to know who it was, of course. He leaned his head over to rub his cheek against the back of that hand, cherishing the feeling, the reminder of the anchor that had steadied him and given him a reason to go on these last ten years.

"The world didn't end for me, either, actually. Although from time to time I thought it might. I had become so used to pain that when happiness found me I was actually frightened of it, because it was so vast and unfamiliar and terrifying. It took a bit, but when I finally accepted it, it was the most wonderful thing I've ever known. Which is why I know that if I lost it, I would die. Which is why I need to tell you that I look back with no regrets, really, save for the fact that not everyone survived to be as happy as I am."

Remus wasn't certain if he was speaking to his long-dead friend, or the man behind him, who squeezed his shoulder affectionately. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Perhaps he was only speaking to himself, trying to chase away the shadows that tended to linger even after all this time.

"Are you ready to go?" the deep, silky voice from behind him spoke quietly, not in respect of the not-grave, Remus knew, but in deference to Remus' own mood. "There is to be a meal at the Burrow, to which we have been invited."

"Yes, I think so," Remus replied. He gazed at the stained marker for a moment longer, before rising to his feet, and turning to smile quietly into a pair of concerned black eyes. "Are you ready, Severus?"

"Of course, you dolt," Severus replied, but the tone was affectionate, and he mitigated the words by leaning down to brush a soft kiss across Remus' lips; a kiss which would have had Sirius spinning in that grave, if it had really been one. "Come along, then."

Nodding, Remus looped an arm around Severus' waist, while Severus' arm, with no hesitation, came up to embrace Remus' shoulders. They walked slowly away from the lonely little headstone, set apart from the rest of the Black family plot, Sirius standing separate from them in death even as he had in life.

Remus put his free hand in his pocket, drawing forth his wand. He peered quickly back over his shoulder, uttering a soft spell under his breath, before replacing his wand and continuing to walk with Severus. It was time to put away the shadows, and keep moving on, as Remus had moved on all his life, one day at a time, doing what he could to be happy and to survive. He just thanked Merlin that it was easier now that he had someone with which to do it.

Behind them, the now pristine white headstone glistened in the sun, the green lines which had marred its surface wiped away as though they had never existed.

FINIS

Author's Notes: Written for the 30minutefics Challenge #45 - Ten years after.