No Means No

Notes: This is my version of "The Slytherin Within" by Lana Manckir (on Ashwinder). Some of the plot was borrowed, perhaps you might consider it a connect-the-dots where two people connecting unnumbered dots come up with drastically different pictures. I didn't ask her first, but none of my
version is plagiarized. Just the idea that Hermione would use a dog to convince Severus that a baby is a good idea and the twist on the type of dog. I would not have written it without seeing Lana Manckir's story though, and her conclusion was horrifying beyond what could possibly be contained in a comment.



No Means No: Sometimes There Is No Compromise

When Severus awoke Saturday morning, he was presented with an unlikely sight. Hermione was holding a white poodle. They were both wearing pink bows (Hermione's was holding her hair, though not as well as the ribbon held the dog's.)

"What are you doing with a dog?" Severus demanded. He was annoyed at being forced to deal with controversy first thing in the morning.

Hermione looked down at the dog in her lap, it licked her hand and posed to exaggerate its cuteness. Severus was disgusted. Damned Hufflepuff of a dog.

Hermione said, quietly, "I wanted a pet, Severus. You know how unhappy I've been lately, and I thought this might help. Many other people who don't have children have pets, usually dogs."

She and the furball were not going away. He was going to have to get up and deal with this. There was no longer any hope of a lie-in. There were his slippers, now it was safe to put his feet down out of bed.

"I do not see how this could possibly help. And my desire not to have children was well known to you before we married." Severus knew she would try to say something about how marriage was all about children next and he stopped listening while he found his dressing gown. When she had trailed away, he added, "I do not want a pet."

When Hermione went on again, he heard canned phrases about how a dog was much easier and would not be anything like a child, but would be more friendly and interactive than her cat had been. He hadn't been able to stand her cat either and counted himself quite lucky that it had been one of the casualties of the war.

Hermione pleaded with him, making puppy eyes and lifting the fur away from the real thing. "Severus, how can you resist such a cute face?" she pouted.

It was a very blunt tactic, but it still worked. So he consented to a trial period, but sounded much more like her father than her husband when he insisted that she be responsible for its care and training.

She had squealed in delight and set the dog down before kissing him thoroughly and melting her body into his.

Severus knew he was being manipulated, but who was he to turn down amazing kisses as a bribe? He could still insist later that the dog had to go, if it turned out to be as annoying as it looked. First years weren't cute, and neither was a be-ribboned furball, but if Hermione wanted a pet, he'd give this thing a chance as long as she kept it under control.

It felt so good to hold her and feel her against his rapidly stiffening erection. He felt her hands working their way to his skin and stroking him intimately. He was well on his way to rewarding her with some moaning and groaning when she suddenly she stopped and he smelled it. The dog had defecated on his slipper. It stared back at him, with an obviously smug expression on its little doggy face. This was going to be a long week.

 

Some days later. Severus realized the damned dog was deliberately and regularly sitting atop the Daily Prophet Hermione left for him on their table. He tried to get it to move, but it snapped at him. He quickly cursed it with a body bind and removed the dog from the table, saying, "Animals are not allowed on the furniture." He retrieved the paper, and read it while sipping his morning tea, with the frozen dog under the table. He'd have to speak to Hermione about the dog's behavior soon. As he was leaving their quarters before his first class of the morning, he quickly released the dog from the binding so it could do its business through the charmed pet door they'd set up. He hated having any flaws in his wards, but Hermione had insisted.

When Severus returned two hours later, he discovered that the dog had wreaked vengeance on his study. Books were clawed, papers chewed--- bringing new meaning to the old excuse about the dog eating one's homework, Severus would have to tell most of his students they would not be getting their essays back--- and there was the strong smell of urine coming from the cushions of his chair. The dog had to go. They could not co-exist peacefully. Its behavior was intolerable and Hermione had done nothing to train it appropriately, unless petting it and stroking it when it misbehaved counted.

Severus supposed it did. Hermione had said people who didn't have children had dogs. He didn't want a dog, so perhaps she would interpret that to mean he would change his mind about children. He had better double up on his own precautions. Hermione had been caught "forgetting" to take her contraception potion on several occasions, and he suspected she sometimes poured it out rather than consume it. Severus had been taking the male potion continually since their relationship began, but had decided not to tell her. When they first were together, he had done a contraceptive charm on them both. It would not have hurt anything had she been taking the witches' potion. It wasn't exactly recommended to use both the charm and the potion, but mostly because it was a redundant waste of magic not because it would cause side effects. He didn't say he was taking the potion, even when he heard her "fumble" the charm the next time. He had wanted to chide her, but he allowed himself to be distracted, relying on his own precautions instead.

Hermione had not kept up with innovations in potions since she had chosen her focuses in muggle and magical history. Severus justified to himself that neglecting to tell her he had been taking a male contraceptive potion (and was still taking it) hadn't been lying to her, exactly. She knew he didn't want children, she knew he always remembered the charm and always insisted on doing both of them, so there was no harm in not telling her about his third layer of protections. Later, after they were married, she offered to start taking the potion for witches. The next time they made love, she had taken his wand from his hand, saying he didn't need to worry about that anymore. Honestly, that would have scared him enough to keep him from performing, having her ask him to rely on her out-of-sight-trust-me precautions. Any wizard who didn't take responsibility for his own reproduction deserved what he got, so Severus kept taking his own potion. He made it himself, in his private lab, and never let it out of his sight. He used the classroom ingredients just in case she was tampering with his private lab, and he did it without saying anything. In the middle of her cycle when she was most randy, Severus would sometimes do the contraceptive charm in the loo. He knew he sounded like the old auror, Mad-Eye Moody, on one of his worst days. He was aware that he was being paranoid, but Hermione obviously could not be trusted to take his wishes into account. They were happy together, aside from this one issue.

Severus knew he did not want children. His desire to never have children was such a formidable concern that he had considered sterilization once the remnants of the curse torture had been cured and his equipment had gone functional again. But Hermione had insisted that he might change his mind and he should give the decision a few years. He had just hoped she would discuss stopping contraception with him instead of sneaking around and lying to him like she had been. He didn't like the idea that she would surprise him with something that would make it impossible to continue their marriage. She knew it was intolerable to him and had agreed to discuss it in a few years, provided he didn't do anything irreversible. He had abided by his half, even though she made him nervous and he really wanted the matter settled. He knew divorcing her if she became pregnant was going to make him a social outcast, and probably Dumbledore would make his life hell at Hogwarts, so he would effectively lose his job, but that was better than the alternative. Still, better to double up on precautions and not risk her ruining him financially and socially. Things were fine, really, as long as she didn't get pregnant. He knew she'd insist on keeping the child if she did; he wouldn't get a second chance to "decide", she would choose for them both, ignoring his needs.

He knew she was disappointed, when, a year into their marriage, she still wasn't pregnant. But she couldn't exactly ask him about it, since they had agreed that he didn't want children and they would at least wait a while. She had married him on those terms and was supposedly taking a contraceptive potion. She had tried to be sneaky by sending him to Madame Pomfrey for a "check-up". During which the old medi-witch had asked him embarrassing and intrusive questions about his sexual functions in addition to the standard routine exam. Hermione had said she would get her potion from Madame Pomfrey and there was no need for him to brew a special cauldron for her, she didn't mind the noxious aftertaste that much (Severus added several inert but hideous tasting ingredients to the students' potion because the school governors wanted to discourage the students from needing the potion. That had been the compromise with the parents as well.) But during his check-up, Severus asked Poppy if she'd seen Hermione lately, and she answered that Hermione had invited her to tea last week, but since she didn't get up to the Great Hall for meals, it had been a while otherwise. Hermione had been due for a new dose of contraceptive since then and had said two days ago that she was going to stop by the infirmary. He knew Poppy wouldn't tell tales about Hermione's health, so he didn't ask anything else. He hoped Poppy wouldn't specifically ask whether he was taking a contraceptive potion, but since he wasn't having side effects and his health was generally good now that he wasn't spying and the war was over, he didn't see how she could justify the question.

When he had returned to their quarters after seeing Poppy, Hermione was home. He said his check-up had been just fine. She questioned him, "No problems at all?" and when he confirmed it, she had burst into tears and dashed off to the bathroom.

Hermione's uncharacteristic emotional outburst, which he suspected was due to his not announcing a curable medical problem that was keeping him from impregnating her, made him concerned for her ability to cope. It had been the following weekend that Hermione had brought home the dog. It had been her erratic behavior that convinced him, against his better judgment, to allow her to keep the dog after its fiasco of an introduction.

Absolutely no way was she going to convince him with waterworks and emotional manipulation to keep the dog after the agreed upon trial period which ended today.

 

After dinner that evening, Severus asked Minerva and Filius to cover his detention supervision duties (the new Hufflepuff head of house was too lenient), conjured a crate for the dog, and flooed to Hermione's substitute family, the Weasleys. Luckily both Harry and Ron were there for dinner, and their wives had argued good-naturedly over which of them would get to keep the "adorable puppy". Molly hadn't been expecting him, but had offered him some dessert anyway while Ron and Harry decided. He hadn't wanted to accept anything sweet, but she had winked at him and gave him a bowl of kumquats and a tiny dish of honey-sweetened whipped cream. They were deliciously sour and the cream hardened to fresh cheese in his mouth. It was exactly what Albus's infernal lemon drops purported to be, but had never achieved. He sighed in pleasure and smiled his thanks to Molly.

This was the expression Harry saw as Ron won the last round of 'parchment, wand, stone'. "Oh!" Harry said. "We wondered what Hermione saw in you, even though we supported her choice, but I'd fall in love with you too, if you looked at me like that."

It wasn't the kind of confession Severus expected to hear in this lifetime. And it apparently wasn't very popular with Ginny either, but Molly nodded. Severus looked up at Arthur who blinked slowly and looked down. It was a very Slytherin acknowledgment. Arthur had been Molly's second choice. Severus's uncle had said he did not want children, and Molly had broken their engagement off because of it. Arthur had known this, but loved her enough not to care. Eventually, Molly had realized how much happier she was with Arthur, but there was still that history between them. Severus remembered Molly from family parties when he was a young child. And she obviously remembered him, or she would not have given him the spectacular kumquats.

Ron assured Severus, as if he would care, that his children would love the dog. The idea of toddlers and a fragile pet would normally make Severus cringe, but this dog deserved any ill treatment it received and hopefully they would take a firmer hand with its training than Hermione had. Considering the matter settled, or at least out of his hands, Severus excused himself politely and apparated to the gates of Hogwarts and headed down to the dungeons.

He knew Hermione would be livid, but the trial period was up, and she had agreed that they would find a good home for the dog if the conditions were intolerable. 'Surely Ron Weasley would be acceptable,' Severus smirked. He knew he had followed all the rules she set up, and he knew just how to tell her. 'Dearest Hermione, you know you could not have looked into those puppy-dog eyes and let the dog go to a new home, even one with your best friends.' He had it all planned out in his mind. And now his home would be free of dog urine and feces, his students' abysmal work would be unrended and his books unchewed. And he'd had a wonderful dessert. An expression of serenity smoothed his habitual scowl. This was wonderful. Hermione had been right, he had needed a dog. A dog demonstrated how much worse having a child would be. And he needed the dog's appalling behavior to make him appreciate his dog-free environment. It was no wonder why wizards did not have dogs as familiars.

Hermione was tapping her foot as she leaned against the wall. She was obviously waiting for him, and 'livid' was inadequate to describe her mood. His serenity disappeared.

"You. You got rid of my dog." Hermione's voice was deadly quiet, but filled with the explosive power of a star gone nova.

"Yes. I did. Ron Weasley has him now. It was the end of the tr---" Severus was interrupted.

"You are an idiot. That was not just a dog! Didn't think of the animagus detection potion, did you?" She paused, her voice controlled, but barely. "It wasn't hard to bribe someone to be my dog with the incentives of getting to crap on your slippers and pee on your chair."

Severus cringed here. Hermione looked positively evil.

"I thought, once you saw how adorable an animal was, you would understand how much better a child would be. Everyone loves children once they have their own; you just needed some convincing so you would see my viewpoint and stop being so damned selfish!

"But no... I heard you casting your contraceptive charm in the loo, those old extendible ears still work! You didn't care that I'd been poked and prodded and potioned until my tongue was orange and my hair turned brittle from trying to have your child. After Poppy said you were completely healthy I figured it was me and I've been taking fertility potions for weeks." She was cackling insanely now.

Severus was filled with a dawning horror. The woman he married loved the possibility of a child more than his health or happiness, more than she loved him. He was just a means to an end. Their whole relationship was a sham built on a foundation of fog instead of solid ground. All his efforts to mollify her had temporarily solidified the air underneath their feet, but did not change the fundamental nature. There was no room for compromise and apparently she had not meant her words when they had agreed to wait with the understanding that Severus did not want children and might not change his mind. Somehow she had decided her desire for children was more important than he was. Her idea of compromise was to get her own way and then to blame him for disagreeing. 'How did not taking up resources become selfish?' he asked himself. She was the one who was selfish, insisting that they would be better genetic material than the Goyles and Longbottoms, that they should have several children because they were so much more intelligent. She didn't even comprehend how appalled everyone would have been; the magical world could not have that kind of population increase without being discovered by muggles everywhere. That was why almost no high-ranking families had more than two children, and most had only one. The Weasleys, especially Molly, were the kind of people who forced people who wanted children to hold back. Everyone understood this: because wizards lived for 8 to 10 generations, it was trivial to get a population boom and constant care was required to prevent one.

"Get out." Severus's mouth was moving, but he hadn't yet consciously formed the words through the horror. "I will have the house elves pack your things. Please send me an owl to tell me where they should go. My solicitor will contact you." At this, Severus finally understood the reality that he had just ended his marriage. She had broken vow after vow that she had promised him, but the total lack of respect and her obvious unwillingness to consider him as well as herself, this he could not accept.

Hermione was frozen in shock. Comprehension began to fill her face. Severus gave her a brisk nod, confirming that yes, he really did mean it. Then he turned to the fireplace and opened a floo connection to the kitchens and asked for a team of elves to be sent to his quarters and for them to send for the headmaster to come.

Severus was very glad Hermione did not work at Hogwarts. There would not be a daily awkwardness or uncomfortable decisions about who would stay at the end of term. There was no question about who got to keep their home. He was doubly glad Hermione had a well-paid position; she made quite a few galleons more than he did since his stipend included housing. They hadn't bought many things as a couple because his quarters had been already furnished. They hadn't integrated their books, since Hermione had been given her own study. Wedding presents were all joint things, but Severus did not want any of them. Most of them were from her friends anyway and they had shown no consideration for his preferences. All in all, it honestly looked as though their wedded life had been under a stasis charm from the beginning. He realized there was very little in their lives that they had truly shared, nothing had been "theirs". Maybe he could have tried harder to let her in, but right now, it seemed as if his subconscious had made the wiser choice. All the signs had been there, the lies about the contraceptives and the scheming. He would be glad that was over. Even giving up sex would be worth the absence of constant worry.

Dumbledore knocked on their-- no his-- door, and Severus motioned for the door to let the headmaster enter. "Sir, Hermione will be leaving us tonight. Our relationship has reached an impasse and no compromise is acceptable to both parties. Could you officially dissolve our binding, please?"

Albus Dumbledore, blinked quickly, looking from Hermione to Severus and back again. He saw her look of shock and Severus's determination. He cast a pregnancy verification charm on Hermione, the three of them saw it glow white and the rune for hollow appear. Severus was more than mildly relieved that she hadn't had an affair.

"How can that be? I fucked four guys from the Hog's Head! And I've been taking that fertility potion for weeks now! How can I not be pregnant?" Hermione was shouting.

Then Severus laughed. It was a bellowing laugh that drew Dumbledore's fascination and shocked Hermione, while echoing off the walls. "You brewed your own potion in my private lab. But I've been brewing my contraceptive potion using the supplies in the student cabinet. I was sure you'd sabotage my ingredients... I haven't touched those particular ingredients since we were married, they're stale by now for sure!" He was laughing so hard tears were leaking from his eyes. "I can't believe it."

Albus had never seen Severus laugh like that. It showed on his face, along with the revulsion for how obviously Hermione had violated their vows in a desperate quest for a child she knew Severus didn't want. That would be enough information and a valid reason to assume Severus was sure about the dissolution of the binding. He raised his hand and they fell silent. In his other hand, he raised his wand and chanted, "You are released, be free to seek others." in Greek, Egyptian, Italian, and English. They each felt a spangle from his wand and it was over. The house elves had packed up Hermione's clothing and study. Dumbledore offered her his arm, saying, "Miss Granger, may I escort you to the door? I'm sure Severus will send your things along when you decide where you'll be."

Hermione was muttering and gesturing to Albus as they left. Dumbledore looked back over his shoulder and said, "Severus, do floo Mr. Weasley and let him know his new pet is an animagus." At this Dumbledore winked and Severus nodded.

All in all, the sex hadn't been worth it. Hermione had never adapted to her adopted culture, and she was far too inconsiderate to be an acceptable life partner. He'd thought she would change her mind, she'd married him knowing that he did not want children. She had said she loved him regardless, but she hadn't meant it. Months of hearing that she wanted them to "be a family" were over now. He was sad, true, but not as heartbroken as he thought he'd be. He headed off to the bedroom, where the house elves had cleared away her personal things and changed the sheets on his bed. Tomorrow would be soon enough to floo the Weasleys.